What started out as a normal family trip to the Festival of Asarata ended as a nightmare for a gopher family from Underhill Fields.
Daggy Gingerroot, an unassuming gopher if ever there was one, had been enjoying the annual festival with his family of four when he noticed a gaggle of geese nodding their long necks his way.
He heard them honking out something about “The Creep”.
“Sure I was offended by it,” said Gingerroot. “But it’s the festival, right? You kind of expect to be called names.”
As he and his mate and two young ones continued on their way towards the Great Tree to look for figs, the gopher noticed something he didn’t expect: more and more animals looking at him angrily.
And then the threats started.
“The first one was this big mongoose, who bumped me as he waddled past.” Gingerroot recalled, visibly shaken. “He growled “Creep” at me, and when I looked crossly at him, he said – ”
We can’t reprint here what the mongoose said.
For Gingerroot and his family, things just went from bad to worse.
“Some of the animals started following us, hissing and growling,” he said. “They were so angry, and I had no idea why!”
And then the yelling started. And then the throwing.
“They threw rotten figs at first, and then clumps of dirt and rock,” Gingerroot grew more emotional as he relived the horrible experience. “It was all I could do to get my young ones away from that mob. I had no idea why I’d been singled out!”
The little gopher family just managed to make it to their rented burrow before the angry crowd could reach them, and they hunkered down until nightfall. When it was quiet, Gingerroot crept out to see if the coast was clear.
“I came upon a beaver couple, also hiding. They’d experienced the same thing. And then some squirrels. They’d all been attacked by angry mobs, all called “Creeps” and other terrible things. It was baffling!”
Mr. Gingerroot and his small furry friends were all victims of a new forest phenomenon – creep shaming.
It all started when this was posted on Furbook:
But just who is the marmot in the picture? That’s the question begging for an answer. He is apparently a groundhog, and he’s allegedly one of the con-artists famed for working the annual festival.
We managed to catch up with Kid Duffy, the brave and noble Enforcer of the wild dogs, and asked him what was being done about the groundhog threat.
“We know exactly who it is,” Kid Duffy replied. “We’re taking care of it.”
This reporter was greatly relieved to know that the wild dogs have matters firmly in hand. Once again, the forest is safe because of wild dog diligence and fortitude. All hail Blonger, Leader of the Wild Dogs!
Meanwhile, because of this irresponsible post and a sad case of mistaken identity, Daggy Gingerroot was forced to prematurely remove his family from the festival, days before it was over. And reportedly, he has since lost his job as third burrower of Underhill Fields as a result of the incident.
We caught up with Mr. Gingerroot at his burrow, where he and his family have been hiding out ever since the debacle happened. He’s not sure when his life will return to normal.
“It’s not even a gopher in that picture! It’s clearly a groundhog!” Gingerroot exclaimed, frustrated and upset. “And the Unicorn help that groundhog if they ever figure out who he is…”
His voice trailing off, a despondent Daggy Gingerroot disappeared back down into his subterranean home in Underhill Fields, his life changed forever.