I woke up this morning, like the rest of the internet, to the fascinating story that U2 and Apple had teamed up once again, and that U2 was offering their new album, Songs of Innocence, for free download on iTunes. And the internet is still ringing with the shockwave that followed that announcement.
But, in the midst of the shock, one thing that most folks reporting this story seem to have missed is that apparently U2 and Apple apparently coincided their big news to apparently “drop” just a couple of days before Thimblerig’s Ark became available, also for free download!
Coincidence? There are no coincidences.
Not when the worlds of big computers and big music collide with the world of little-known self publishing animal-centered biblical fantasies. When that happens, all bets are off.
To make matters even more compelling, Thimblerig was actually on hand in Cupertino for the big announcement! He’d saved up his figs for several weeks to make it there, managed to get onto the stage, but before he could do anything he was forcibly removed by some blue-polo-wearing, no-necked, hipster-bearded Apple Genius thug.
You would think this scandal would be on the front pages of all the websites of the world! You’d think that blogs would be picking it up and running with it! You’d think that Matt Walsh would have written a scathing, insightful, controversial editorial about the incident by now!
But somehow Thimblerig’s sad story has been quietly swept under the carpet.
Thankfully, the great equalizer – the internet – will help us prove it. After all, a picture posted on the internet is the best proof, right? Remember the Derbyshire Fairy? Hercules, the world’s biggest dog?
But I digress. To the proof: Here’s Thimblerig, trying to get Bono’s attention, right before the no-neck Apple genius hipster rushed him off the stage.
Some people might think that this was all a stunt on Thimblerig’s part to try and get Bono to read Thimblerig’s Ark, or to get Tim Cook to release a new special edition purple iPod with Thimblerig’s paw print on the back. But nothing could be further from the truth. He just wanted to ask Bono to help get the word out about the free download of Thimblerig’s Ark, which will start on September 12 (PST) and run for three days!
In fact, as he was hoisted on the shoulder of the Apple genius-thug like an undignified sack of potatoes, Thimblerig reportedly screamed, “Just for three days! You can download Thimblerig’s Ark for free just for three days! It starts on Friday – Pacific Standard time! Hey, can you guys play Bullet the Blue Sky? Can you play Bullet the Blue Skyyyyy?“
But he was lugged out of the hall and straight into the Apple Company store, where he spent the rest of the afternoon playing Flappy Bird on a display iPad, and then bought a retro Apple coffee cup before heading home, dejected.
Now Thimblerig’s feeling down, feeling like he could have done more.
Well, he couldn’t. He screwed up.
But you can help! “How?” you might be asking your computer screen. Well, if you would like to help Thimblerig’s morale, then you can do three simple things.
1) Go to Amazon on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday (PST) and download Thimblerig’s Ark for free. Then, if you like it, write a review! Reviews are the bread and butter of non-U2-sized artists/authors.
2) Share Thimblerig’s inspirational story with the world through your own social media outlets. Take the picture below and post it all over the place! Help get the word out!
3) Finally, if you know the Edge, tell him Thimblerig apologizes for grabbing the sunglasses off his face. He left them with a nice person named Kip at the register in the Apple Company store. Thimblerig is pretty sure Kip worked there.
There’s a good chance that none of the events in this story are true, that it’s some form of parody. But what isn’t parody is that Thimblerig’s Ark really is available for free download (September 12 – 14), and we hope you’ll give it a try!
Especially if you are Bono. That would be really, really cool.